As of November 5, 2008, when President McCain is officially elected into office, our company will institute a few new policies to improve our profitability:
1. Sales commission will be cut by 20%. The money will be set aside in a Management Marketing Pool. This pool that will be pro-rated to Management as an incentive for them to continue to socialize with Management of our existing and potential customers. This will serve to open markets for the Sales Department and provide leads so sales staff will no longer waste their time having lunch with potential clients.
2. All hourly workers will no longer receive overtime. Any employee who cannot complete their assigned work load in the time allotted will be terminated and replaced here or at either of our new satellite offices in India or China.
3. Any employee who meet or exceeds their quota, it is obvious that your assignments were not sufficient. Each time you reach your quota, it will be increased by 10%. This is good for the company and if the company does well, you may continue to have a job.
4. All top management will now be considered the “government”. As the government, we believe that it is not our responsibility to provide any health care benefits, transportation allowances or any materials you need to function at your job. All Employees will be responsible to buy their own computer and software. We will rent you a desk and chair so the office has a uniform look.
5. The “government” will also eliminate all expenditures for Research & Development. if the staff believe that our product can be improved, please feel free to perform such tasks on your own time or contract for such tasks out of your commissions. Any resulting developments will be the property of the Company without additional compensation to the employee.
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. New tax incentives have made your employment extraneous to our bottom line. We do however offer you an option to immediate unemployment: you may volunteer for a 6 month temporary assignment in China to train replacement staff to perform you job.
All employees should be thrilled with these new policies because we consider it is your “privilege” to work for this company.
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you have 15 minutes to clear out your desks. Remember that “Right to Work” means we have the right to hire whom ever we want to work for us.
“God Bless America”
1. Sales commission will be cut by 20%. The money will be set aside in a Management Marketing Pool. This pool that will be pro-rated to Management as an incentive for them to continue to socialize with Management of our existing and potential customers. This will serve to open markets for the Sales Department and provide leads so sales staff will no longer waste their time having lunch with potential clients.
2. All hourly workers will no longer receive overtime. Any employee who cannot complete their assigned work load in the time allotted will be terminated and replaced here or at either of our new satellite offices in India or China.
3. Any employee who meet or exceeds their quota, it is obvious that your assignments were not sufficient. Each time you reach your quota, it will be increased by 10%. This is good for the company and if the company does well, you may continue to have a job.
4. All top management will now be considered the “government”. As the government, we believe that it is not our responsibility to provide any health care benefits, transportation allowances or any materials you need to function at your job. All Employees will be responsible to buy their own computer and software. We will rent you a desk and chair so the office has a uniform look.
5. The “government” will also eliminate all expenditures for Research & Development. if the staff believe that our product can be improved, please feel free to perform such tasks on your own time or contract for such tasks out of your commissions. Any resulting developments will be the property of the Company without additional compensation to the employee.
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. New tax incentives have made your employment extraneous to our bottom line. We do however offer you an option to immediate unemployment: you may volunteer for a 6 month temporary assignment in China to train replacement staff to perform you job.
All employees should be thrilled with these new policies because we consider it is your “privilege” to work for this company.
If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you have 15 minutes to clear out your desks. Remember that “Right to Work” means we have the right to hire whom ever we want to work for us.
“God Bless America”
